Once, not all that long ago, there was a husband and a wife and they loved each other. Their love had been growing since the day they had met. Together they were complete and happy. They enjoyed evenings lounging around, watching movies, visiting, or reading. They liked to talk about all sorts of things; from funny commercials, human behaviour, politics, economics, painting, drawing, stories they had read, to things they had seen or wished to see. Nothing was felt to be lacking, all was well and they were happy.

But then during a vacation away to the wide open sea, God confronted them with an idea, a possibility, a notion far out of their realm of current thought; a baby. A third to their twosome, an unexpected unknown. They were giddy and nervous and in a word–awed. So strange a thought for them; to be forever changed and yet feel so much the same. So they carried their secret home with them like a fragile egg wrapped up in vulnerability and expectation. Once home, a tiny wand confirmed the news – both wonderful and thrilling, an affirmation of life growing ever so tenderly inside. They laughed and cried and danced around each other uncertain how to respond to such a feeling. They flew out of the house and heralded the news to all those who loved them and all rejoiced in the possibilities. Time leapt forward and the doctor visits started and all was well and good. Plans were laid and jobs changed, nothing could dampen their spirits. Their dreams were full.

Then God laid a quiet hand upon the wife’s body and called the small babe back home. Frightened and alone, the wife called her husband home, together they made their way to the doctor’s office. Unable to find what should have been a pitter-pattering heartbeat, their doctor prayed over them. More tests confirmed the shattering news to the couple, procedures and surgeries followed quickly and quietly. The lovers gripped each other tightly holding themselves up against such fresh grief and sorrow.

They knew an intimate emptiness like they had never known. Together they fit and loved one another to the ends of their beings but God was showing them a love outside of themselves, a love born out of love and for the sake of love. They had crossed over into a new life from which there was no return. So in time and amid their grief, the lovers asked God to look upon them again and grant them another opportunity, another baby, another unknown.

And in his time, He blessed them, He blessed them richly indeed.


Originally written February 23, 2003 (up-dated October 2015)

October 15th is Worldwide Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.  This is my favourite version of my story – there are other versions but this one is both the sorrow and the sweet and therefore my favourite.  Today, is the 16th anniversary of our loss.  The beautiful children above are the legacy which followed, our rainbow kids.

My dear Jordan,  I never forget. Love Mum