Then: October 13, 2006

“I have to take a break. My eyes are swimming, my head is aching, and I just can’t look through another homeschool resource curriculum catalogue related piece of material right now. The onus of choosing is too stressful for me at this moment.”

“Which is the best program, which is the best deal for the dollars I have, which will work best with my children?”

“I want so much for my kids. Basically, I want to be the perfect parent, which I already know is “slightly” unrealistic … ah yes … but that doesn’t stop me from agonizing about these choices I make.”

Excerpts from:  Making their choices

Again: August 24, 2015

Some things don’t change much in 9 years.

This September, my eldest, the child I was fretfully choosing curriculum for above, is beginning a new journey. She is venturing into online schooling for her Grade 10 year.

And my heart still agonizes about the choices we make regarding the schooling of these children. I feel that same parental anxiousness about their future preparedness, their journey forward. I have never carried this load lightly. But unlike above, I acknowledge that grace covers a great multitude of imperfection and failure.

Despite poor choices in curriculum, scads of unused textbooks, workbooks, and science kits; despite children who reject even good curriculum because of their own perspectives on what is good and useful; despite years of lackadaisical planning and scheduling – these children have grown and become readers, problem solvers, builders, story tellers, and questioners.

They got there by a different path then the one I idealistically thought I could build for them – thank goodness. We also have plenty of things to work on – spelling continues to prove itself difficult- but we’ll get there. They will continue to make paths forward despite anything and everything that came before.

This journey began with me trying to white knuckle everything they did – today I hold with a lighter touch, watching instead where they might lead, in anticipation and … a little less apprehension.

I am a parent. I want much for my children. I always will.