I feel like a tumbling rock – in a world of other tumbling rocks – all jostling and bumping along under water. Sometimes when rocks tumble they smash into each other and bounce off, leaving bits of themselves behind, and other times, rocks roll along together in a wave, one over the other like leap frog – playful, and light. Rocks also get stuck, spinning around in the same spot – round and round and round wearing off all the defining bits, forcing all the otherness deep inside.
A significant thing about rocks is, they never fit together perfectly no matter how similar, no matter how long they have tumbled along together. Each has traveled its own journey, spun around in its own holes, broken against different rocks. Consequentially, there will always be gaps and scars and jagged edges that get in the way. Otherwise they would be one rock, solid and completely still.
So I am, usually, glad I am a rock tumbling about with a bunch of other rocks.
Sometimes however, I dream of being water. Water which appears to flow effortlessly, all peaceful and calm yet containing the force to jostle rocks about. I long for everything to be that easy – to flow that unencumbered with the power to alter landscapes while nurturing the land on all side. I dream about becoming one with all other water without the fitful tumbling that goes along with being a rock amongst other fitful tumbling rocks. I forget that the awkward bumbling is what it is to be a rock.
When I forget I am a rock, I feel wrong. I begin to feel that I am a broken thing who doesn’t know the “right” way to dance along like water, making its path over and through regardless of obstacles – moving always onward toward its goal. A broken awkward thing unable to join in with the rhythm of water.
Broken and heavy, I remember I am a rock. I feel discouraged that I am a rock, at the whim of water.
But if I let go of the idea of being water –
if I can find a way to enjoy the way water moves me about toward its destination –
despite the jumbly path –
and if I can remember I am one rock amongst many rocks being tumbled along,
and that together we make our own kind of dance,
then maybe I can learn to embrace my bumbling, tumbling journey with grace.